Emotional support please?

[CherokeeGirl]

hubby and never argue....we fuss a bit sometimes but never really argue. Today I was feeling really low and lonely. he was at work all day, well, at the yard....he actually is call 24/7 but goes to the yard to do things sometimes. I really needed him today...but ended up in a fight because he says I get upset whenever he has to go to the yard....truthfully I guess I probably do. Today I just really needed him. I don't think this surgery is going to work with for me.....people lose a lot of weight in the first few weeks...not me....you know the whole story...I'm just at the end of my rope...surgery was my last hope

[terrora]

It sounds like you need to see a therapist. To really pour out your heart to someone and have a good cry. Your emotions are pushing your husband away and he is probably at a loss as how to help you. Pls also see a nutritionist to obtain a more positive outlook on how your surgery will benefit you although you cannot see it now. You need a team of helpers to see you through this dark tunnel. There IS light at the end of the tunnel. You just need help finding it.
Maybe start every day (for now) writing down 10 things you are grateful for. Do this every day and it will change your perspective.

[ann1756]

I think you need to see someone. Sometimes, if we look at the big picture, it is too much. There are times when we have to break up our time. There have been times when I could look ahead for a day, a week, maybe a month. Other times, I have had to take life breath by breath. Find what you can manage, and deal with that section, just one thing at a time. While I have not had this surgery yet, I do understand about having surgery. You are tired, depressed, still in some pain. There is a lot of stress, and if you don't feel well, you can't cope. Please try to see a therapist who can help you through this time. Give yourself time and permission to heal and recover. Don't give up on yourself. Remember the words of Winnie the Poo: You never know how strong you are, until strong is the only thing you can be. Take a deep breath, and one step at a time. In the grand scheme of life, less than a month isn't a huge block of time. Everyone is not the same, give yourself a chance.
ann

[zmdh39]

First off Hugs...I know how difficult it can be to have faith in something when so many things have failed us before. What you are feeling is ok. Its ok to worry, and have fears that this will be just another failed attempt to lose weight. If you are like me, why would you think anything else. Please believe me when I say that I get it. I have NEVER be the poster child for anything weight loss related, and sleeve surgery is very much on that same list.

I can honestly tell you that I have pretty much done EVERYTHING my surgeon told me not to. I have ignored both pre-op and post-op diet instructions. I have went months where I didn't exercise, log for, or even remotely make the right food choices for myself...and you know what...that's ok. I went into this knowing that I have never posses the ability to follow rules...so I had MORE than enough reason to believe that this surgery would fail as well.

But you know what...regardless of my countless sleeve failures...I STILL LOST A GREAT DEAL OF WEIGHT! If I could give you a hug and telling everything is going to be ok in person I would. Since that is not possible, please just listen to me when I say...these emotions you are feeling right now...the fear, doubt, worry of impending doom...the worry that you risked SO much for nothing...those are ALL normal.

If you tend to be a pessimist like me seeing is believing...so let me help you out right now. Today...start weighing yourself, start measuring your body, and start taking photos of yourself...regardless of how uncomfortable you may feel now. Hell, if it were up to me, I would suggest that EVERYONE take photos in their birthday suits...FREQUENTLY. It may sound nuts, but I promise you the changes that you are going to see in your weigh and body are gradual, and happen over time...if you don't document them, then likely they will go unnoticed for an extended period of time. It may not mean much to you right now, but if I could do it again, I would do anything to go back and properly document just how much I have changed in the past 2 years.

Even now, I will look at a picture of myself and STILL see many flaws...it is not until I compare today's photos to the very few that I took during my journey that it finally dawns on my just how far I have come.

I think women especially are very quick to judge and see only the flaws within ourselves. We tell ourselves that we need validation from outside sources to build our confidence validate us. in reality, everything we need is encompassed within ourselves...we just have to remember that it has always been there. It may have been shadowed by obesity in a past life...but what you have done...this is your shot at a 2nd chance. Learn to acknowledge and accept that YOU CAN CHANGE. No, it is not a dream, or a goal that you will never see come true...you...right now, very much have the ability to write your own future...so stop fighting it. Let it go, and embrace your new life. You my dear hold the power to determine your own future...and there is no one, not your husband, family, friend or even children can do this for you. You may doubt yourself, but I am here to tell you that you can do anything...and reaching your weight loss goals is just the start!

[CherokeeGirl]

Thank you all. I am not a pessimistic person, usually fairly happy, sing to my dogs....I go to the support boards and see all these people that are so happy cause they've lost all this weight right away.....and I've lost 5 pounds. It's so very discouraging. then hubby and I arguing..he's gone to bed without eating...we never argue in 15 years I can count how many time on my hands...so now I'm really bothered... ::::sigh:::: gonna be a long night

[zmdh39]

Thank you all. I am not a pessimistic person, usually fairly happy, sing to my dogs....I go to the support boards and see all these people that are so happy cause they've lost all this weight right away.....and I've lost 5 pounds. It's so very discouraging. then hubby and I arguing..he's gone to bed without eating...we never argue in 15 years I can count how many time on my hands...so now I'm really bothered... ::::sigh:::: gonna be a long night

I am a night owl, so if you would like to talk, I am always free. My fiance and I are the same way...we next to never fight...but when we do it takes a toll on both of us. Honey you are going though a drastic change, just know that we are all here for support. I hope your day/night gets better!

[SethP]

I don't think this surgery is going to work with for me...

You cannot undo this. You knew going in that it was a PERMANENT decision. Getting down on your self does you no good. You have to become positive in life and in your journey. I know that you have not had the same weight loss as others but you have not had the same journey as others either. Stop comparing yourself to others. You have to be yourself. You need to find and do YOU, everyone else is taken. I know that you are down right now but find something that makes you happy. Even if it is singing to or dogs. I dont know what else to tell you. I am not in Arizona to help you out of this funk but you do need to find a way out. It isnt about the surgery any more it is about YOU. Stress is NOT going to help you lose weight, it will actually make your body HOLD on to it more. So attitude does make a difference. Please find something that picks up your spirits and keep the faith. You had 80% of your stomach removed so in time you will lose. Give your body a chance to recover you have had a rough start but I am sure you will be a rock star soon. Godspeed on your journey.

[Ann2]

If I could shock you into getting out of this funk you're in, I'd be happy to do so. But I doubt it would help.

I agree with others who have told you (on the other threads you've posted here) that your body is holding onto fluids because of the trauma you experienced from internal bleeding and all the IV fluids you were pumped up with.

But going forward, it boils down to this: You are going to lose weight. You are not different from everyone else. But to do so you have to do what you're supposed to do.

Therefore, here's my final advice to you:

1. Get some professional counseling help. I mean it.

2. Every day go outside and walk as long as you can. Even better, do it twice a day.

3. Eat what you're supposed to be eating right now. No excuses.

4. Drink all the water you're supposed to be drinking. No excuses.

5. Focus on your weight loss dreams and fantasies.

6. Stop wallowing in the negatives. Yes, you had a hard time in the hospital. But you are now out of the hospital and healing from that. It's over. Move on.

Your husband can't fix you. We can't fix you. Only you can fix you.

[Lee6Lee]

All of you long term sleevers who have posted such wonderful advice here...could you please add these comments from here to another thread called: Long Term Sleevers Support Thread. We need you!