Shhhhhh it's secret... (Or is it?)

[Robertson]

Hi All
So I've been sleeved a little over 4 weeks now. So just starting onto puréed foods.
I decided I wasn't going to tell many people and have chosen only 5 people and none of those include family! I'm just wondering how people that have been sleeved a while have kept up the secret of being sleeved??? I just can't see how I'm going to do this without giving in and telling people - my family aren't the most supportive hence me not telling.
Thinking about going out for a meal with family and me taking along a container for my left overs - well that isn't normal for me! So they will most definitely ask or comment???
And it's not like I will be able to have a normal size dinner in an attempt to hide my secret - as I will only be able to eat a few mouth fulls. I just don't see how if at all people have been able to live a normal life and keep this secret...

NB: normal is before the sleeve or people without the sleeve or whatever you picture it to be.
Help!!!

[justilou]

WOW!!! Totally understand the non-supportive family thing. I think you should simply tell them that you have been to the Dr and you are on a medical diet. You don't expect them to support you, but you don't want their opinions, either. Stick to your guns and don't allow them to bully you!!!

[CharlieFarley]

Apart from medical staff and the good people of this forum, only 5 people know that I had surgery. And then only if you count my two young daughters who don't know the full story.

In a few weeks time, I am facing a trip to spend 10 days with my family at the house of another family member. She doesn't know any more other than I've been losing a lot of weight. I don't want to tell her about the surgery... but I think it can't be avoided. It makes me feel like my business is not entirely my own business, which is not usually how my life is.

I am quite envious of those who can put everything out in the open and are able to shrug off vocal, misinformed opinion. In my case, I see that approach as leading to a lot of drama that I wouldn't enjoy.

Watching this thread with interest...

[Ann2]

If you've lost 31 pounds and have only 17 to go, I think your secret can be kept safe. Lots of people lose that much weight on diets. Compared to most WLS patients' weight losses, that's not much at all.

Therefore, I would think it's completely up to you as to whether you want to tell.

Personally (and this is purely personally), I hate to see people feel like they have to tell THEIR secrets to others out of some kind of self-induced "guilt" that keeping a secret is somehow wrong or evil or sinful. I see evidence of this kind of guilt on this forum often.

Then there are people whose moral codes and personal ideologies require them to be an open book. I think that's more tied to certain personality types, which is pretty hard wired. I just chalk that up to personal differences.

And then there's the human desire for intimacy, particularly the desire to be transparent with those we love. But one's urge to be intimate can be healthy or unhealthy, successful or unsuccessful. The question of whether and whom to tell our secrets to (again this is personal to me) hangs on what's driving my need for intimacy and whether I've done a correct assessment about whether revealing my secrets will enhance or lower our intimacy. If I'm compelled to tell someone a secret about me without considering the capacity of the person to receive it well, then I'll be disappointed and the intimacy will be diminished.

That's possibly too much calculation and may not apply to your own situation. But it reflects my own thoughts at the moment about WLS "secrets."

[BillyJ]

I went out with friends for a birthday dinner and only ordered soup. I told people my stomach was a little queasy and I didn't want to chance eating anything. When people commented on my weight loss, I just said thank you for noticing and changed the subject. If they persist in knowing how I just said Doc said lose the weight or die so I am on a medical diet. Nuff said. You can get around it without lying just be creative. It is really no ones business.

[candik]

I only told my boyfriend, sister, a couple of very close friends, and my employer. I felt that only those that would be 100% supportive and who I could lean on for motivation needed to know. I knew that even though they may not totally understand my decision they would accept it and help in any way they could. I also felt my boss should know why I was going to be out of the office for four weeks and just in case of complications. I recently went to my home town to see my Dad, family and friends who knew nothing about my surgery. When they asked what I was doing to lose weight my canned response was "eating smaller portions, eating clean and staying away from all of the junk" which is 100% true because even though the surgery made my stomach smaller I couldn't have the success I have had if I didn't completely change what I ate.

[Sovanna]

I have told 5 people. My mom, my boyfriend, son, best friend, and manager (work related reasons). I did let each of my family and friend know that though I love them, I prefer they kept their opinions and "MY" decision to themselves! :0) This was something I was doing for me! I will not tell anyone else as it is none of their business. If I am asked, I will simply say, "My physician said to loose weight so I did." End of subject! I plan to stick with the same response! The choice is really yours. If you do tell, just be prepared for their opinions, good or bad!

[Lee6Lee]

Sometimes when you tell one person, you've told the world. I've been tempted to tell a few overweight friends and relatives because they surely are suffering. But WLS is known by all. If they didn't have an aversion to the idea, they would have considered it themselves. Or maybe with my example they would have proceeded? ...no, if they wanted to lose it they would have gone to the desperate measures I went to. I don't know why their doctors don't suggest it.

[TLC82014]

I am of the opposite opinion here. I feel that each and every one of us that has chosen to be sleeved has made a very important life-saving decision here and should NEVER be embarrassed by it. Tell the world....to me it's no different than having any other life-saving operation. Be proud! You have made a decision that will improve your overall health and well-being.

[apythia]

I only told my husband. I told others I was having surgery for a GI issue (my lapband slipped and I was constantly running to a bathroom to vomit every time I ate, so everyone was well aware I had issues). As for the not really eating when I want back to work, I just said my stomach was swollen and healing and I really can't eat. (true) and everyone just made their own correlation that the weight loss so far was because I can't really eat. Again true.

Some people on here would call that lying but I am one of those that believe my medical history and/or personal life it is no one's business. I am not comfortable airing personal business with everyone. That's why I am on an anonymous forum instead of an in-person support group.

[candik]

I am of the opposite opinion here. I feel that each and every one of us that has chosen to be sleeved has made a very important life-saving decision here and should NEVER be embarrassed by it. Tell the world....to me it's no different than having any other life-saving operation. Be proud! You have made a decision that will improve your overall health and well-being.

Although I told only a few people this does not mean I am embarrassed that I had the surgery. I am proud of the decision I made and I am very proud of my journey so far. My weight loss isn't solely due to the sleeve and I have to do my part every single day and that is what makes me the most proud and that is what I want others to know. Sure having such a drastic surgery put my mind in the right place so that I could get to where I am now but without me changing my lifestyle and food habits it would be a short term success.

[BBCorvette18]

If it comes up tell them. If they have issues tell them to fuck off you did it for you. I think everyone who hides the fact will be shocked how supportive people will be after the shock wears off.

[Lee6Lee]

I didn't tell because people might think I took the easy way. I knew people would be constantly asking me the same questions or an update. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

[Sovanna]

I don't feel embarrassed about my procedure at all. I just don't want to hear someone else's opinion about a decision I made for myself. Good or bad!

[Heather1979]

Eating out is really difficult I find I would personally tell them but be positive and tell them your not interested in anything they have to say if it's not positive . You've had it done now so it's not as if they can talk you out of it , I found that worked well with my sister .